An ode to a dead blog...and also some thoughts on love.

My blog is so cute...
It has so much potential...

...and it's incredibly deserted.

How sad! I am quite possibly the world's worst blogger! Who leaves their blog alone for months at a time? No good, my friends. No good.

I feel that there's so much to say, but there's no possible way to say it all in a mere blog post. Christmas even happened. I'm so sorry. All I can say is that I promise to be better! Or at least try to be better. I would love to see this blog actually go places in 2014 (however, I think that I would get much more traffic if I were a fashionista blogger...).

So here's to the rest of this year and the looming summer that's trying to break through the clouds (come ON!). 

A little something that's been on my heart lately: God's been convicting me in the area of love. I don't mean the fireworks kind of love that Chad and I have (wink wink). I mean loving His people. I've been praying a lot about loving people and seeing them through His eyes. We've all got a story. We've all got our issues. We've all got something. To be completely vulnerable and honest, I struggle with this. I jump to cynical/skeptical conclusions about people. I get annoyed with little things and then have a hard time being around certain people. But Jesus does not teach this. He teaches us to love. Like really love. 1 John 4:7 says, "beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God." He's the one who sat at the table with the tax collectors and whores (gasp!). He's the one who gives water to the thirsty and food to the hungry. And we are called to do the same. I've been striving to always give people the benefit of the doubt. To always love. To always speak with kind words and choose peace and harmony.

Harmony.
That's a good word. That is my prayer. For harmony, love, and peaceful things. I know it maybe sounds a bit unrealistic or fantastical...but it's my prayer. I want to love. to really love.

Romans 12:16

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Working for the Weekend

I get up early during the week. By early, I mean early. Like, my alarm goes of at 5:40 each and every morning. And it's wrong. So, so wrong. I strongly believe that no one should have to rise before the sun does. Especially during the winter. Cold, dark, sleepy mornings are the hardest! By nature, I'm a late sleeper (as most are), so when I chose a career like teaching I must not have thought very carefully about the early mornings. In fact, I was probably thinking about the sleep-in days that I'd earn during the 2.5 glorious months of summer. Ahh, yes. How glorious they are. It almost makes me want to fashion a paper chain representing the next 8 months until summer. And that's where the problem is.

I find myself counting down the days to every weekend, every day off, every break- not because I don't like my job, but because I value my sleep so dearly. Just like the famed song says, "everybody's working for the weekend." That's totally me. But I don't like it. I realized yesterday that so many weekdays of mine are wasted because I'm just going through the motions...until the weekend comes. Life's too short for that, if you ask me. Granted, sometimes I'm just so danged exhausted at the end of the day...but I do get out of work by 3pm on most days, which leaves a whole afternoon and evening for me to do great things. Often, I go home, lay on the couch for a bit whilst watching a few episodes of Friends, run to the gym, make dinner, watch more TV, and go to bed. That's nearly 7 hours of time that I could have spent building relationships, reading more, writing more music (for real, I need to get back into the swing of that), hanging out with my family, hanging out with Jesus (hello!), etc. etc. etc....enter guilty conscience. I'm wasting my weekdays...all because I'm looking forward to the weekend. Of course, that's not to say I don't do anything while at work all day! :) But really, I'm sick of wasting my afternoons and evenings.

As a "big picture" type of personality, I'm always looking ahead to the future. And that's not always a good idea. I need to be present... each and every moment of each and every day. No more counting down till Saturday. No more counting the weeks till my next break. I'm going to be intentional about today and everything that this day has to offer. Because before we know it, these days will be gone. I don't want to miss out on all that life has for me.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow,

 for tomorrow will worry about itself. 

Each day has enough trouble of its own. 

Matthew 6:34 NIV

On Turning Thirty

On September 14th, my sweet husband turned 30 years old. Thirty! This feels surreal, as I distinctly remember being little and watching the episode of Full House where Danny Tanner turned 30 and thinking "whoa. that's old." Now I'm living it. How. Did. This. Happen?

Packers tickets at Lambeau AND dinner at Oceanaire? I'd say 30 is treating my love quite well, so far.

Chad's about 7 months older than me, so I've still got a little bit of time to soak up my twenties. I always joke about how he's so much older than me, because he was born in an entirely different year. As I'm nearing this dreaded change of decade, I can't help but think about what "high school Angie" would have to say about the place of life I'm in. I'm sure she'd start by making a snotty comment about how my Coach handbag collection has seriously dwindled, of course, but I think she'd probably be pretty surprised above all else. She thought I would certainly have been married for many years and would have completed any pregnancies I was going to have by the time I was 29. Little did she know, I wouldn't get married until 28 and would only be thinking about starting a family sometime soon at the dreaded old age of 29. If only I could see the look on her face now! Side note: both of my sisters got married young and had babies young. It's the right thing for a good Christian girl to do...right? Maybe not for everyone... Side side note: the tense confusion in this paragraph is on purpose. This girl knows how to use verbs properly.

I had a total meltdown at 25. 25 seems so young to have had such a meltdown, but here's the thing: I was unemployed, single, and living with my mom & dad. Things were bleak at my turn of a quarter-century. In true Myers-Briggs fashion, my intuitive side (and Satan) told me that I was far past my prime and I should just give up any hope of a husband and children because my fountain of youth had dried up and all was downhill from that point. Interesting chain of thoughts, I know. However, it's where I was. But what I realized that year would change everything.

You see, there's beauty in growing older. With each wrinkle and grey hair, we grow wiser. As every year passes, I learn more and more about this magnificent journey we call life, and aging becomes less and less scary. 26 was easy. 27 was easier. 28 was awesome (I was planning a wedding, hello). 29 saw the middle of my first year of marriage to my very best friend. Because of these last few years, I honestly can't wait to see what 30 brings. While it seems normal to be all up in arms about turning 30, I find myself excited. I find myself looking at all the possibilities that 30 holds and that makes me so hopeful and ready to take on life. I can't say I'll feel the same at 70, but for now I'm holding fast to the motto that "30 is the new 20." :)

If you're in a place where you just don't want to get older- know that God has plans that you can't even fathom for the next year to come. If that's not exciting, I don't know what is!

xo,
Angie

PS. If I write a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad blog on April 19, 2014 (the big 3-0), I fully give each and every reader the authority to throw this blog entry right back into my face. :)

Learning to Love

Lately, God's been challenging me to love. Not love like my love for Chad, but my love for people. My compassion. My "walking in their shoes" mentality.

If I'm being completely honest, I'm not very good at seeing things from the other side. I know what annoys me and I get annoyed. My husband is the exact opposite. He constantly sees the best in people and wants to help everyone be the best that they can be. It's inspiring, really, and it comes from his wonderful father. He's a business consultant who is one of the wisest people I've ever known. I go to him for advice often, especially when dealing with people. His first question is always "how can you respond out of love?" This is what God has been challenging me with. I've been praying about being more compassionate, patient, and steady. As an extrovert, I often process out loud and say things without really thinking about damage I could be doing. It takes a lot of intentionality on my part to think before speaking. Lately, though, that question has been surfacing often. Right when I'm about to respond to something or make a comment about something, I'll think "am I doing this out of love?" Many times, I'll choose to keep my mouth shut. I've noticed it so much recently. I'm so thankful that God is exposing all of this in me and keeping my heart intentional about truly responding in love.

I was recently looking back in a journal of mine from when Chad and I started seriously dating and were learning how to love each other. I had written that I was going to use 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 as my instruction on how to love him the right way. You all know this passage, as it's one of the most commonly used in weddings. :)

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I have chosen to love Chad by being patient, kind, not envying, not boasting, not being proud, not being rude, not seeking things for myself...you get the point. As I read this journal entry, I began to wonder why I couldn't apply this to loving people everywhere in my life. My friends, my family, my students, my colleagues- I am choosing to be patient, kind, etc. with everyone in my life. After all, He commands that we love one another. His word says "everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another." That's my prayer. That people would see me differently and see His light shining through me. It's done through loving all people, and I'm learning how to do it. It takes time, but I think it's worth it. 

xoxo,
Angie

Absence

My sweet husband has been in Nashville this past week, leading a group of 20ish teenagers on a mission trip. I miss him so much. It's so weird how, after just 10 months of marriage, I feel so lost without him around. To make matters even more crazy, he'll be leaving again just 2 weeks from now to attend summer camp with a bunch of junior high kids students ("kids" is a no-no when referring to youth...news to me!). I keep jokingly complaining about being a "single wife" while he's gone. I do miss him so much though! I've been keeping myself busy by setting up coffee dates with friends, hanging out with my nieces, having beach days, and enjoying ice cream & a movie in the park...so clearly, I'll make it through.

While Chad's been gone, I can't help but think about my friends whose husbands are in the military. I know couples who have been separated for a year at a time. My good friend from high school just wrote on her blog all about having a Skyped Father's Day with her husband & their girls because he's in the Army and away for five months at training. Five months, and I'm complaining about seven days. Hello, perspective! Furthermore, husbands who are in active duty most times don't even have regular contact with their wives and children. I can't even imagine. I've been talking to Chad multiple times a day and hearing stories about the students serving elderly people at nursing homes and orphaned children at schools. My husband is out loving people and being a light in this world. My friends' husbands are protecting our country and are witnessing horrific displays of violence in incredibly unsafe areas. I'm so thankful for the men and women who risk their lives every single day to protect us.

Today I'm reminded to pray for our military servicemen and women and their spouses, their kids, their marriages. I'm so grateful that I have a husband whose job allows him to be home with me more often than not. Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder, and has made me so much more grateful for the life Chad and I have together.

xo,
Angie

Beauty in its Time

June is the month where good things happen for teachers. Some might say these are the best things. Well, one thing, actually. June is the month when summer begins. Sweet, sweet summer and all its gloriousness. Sleeping in late, going to the beach, no papers to grade, no kids to manage- a time to truly rest and get refreshed for the year to come.

It's the best. And we're just as excited as the kids are for the break. I love my job (a lot!), but summer is welcomed with open arms around here!

This post is not very ministry or wife related. I've just finally gotten a few minutes to sit down and actually write for a moment amidst the grading of papers and completion of end-of-year tasks. We have just 2.5 days left. I think I can. I think I can.

My eighth graders had their last day yesterday, and our gym teacher read this passage from Ecclesiastes in a goodbye message to them. I found it quite fitting for my life right now:

For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 

A time to be born and a time to die. 

A time to plant and a time to harvest. 

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down and a time to build up. 

A time to cry and a time to laugh. 

A time to grieve and a time to dance. 

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones. 

A time to embrace and a time to turn away. 

A time to search and a time to quit searching. 

A time to keep and a time to throw away. 

A time to tear and a time to mend. 

A time to be quiet and a time to speak. 

A time to love and a time to hate. 

A time for war and a time for peace. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 NLT

I love the time I'm entering into. A time to rest and a time to renew. A time to rejuvenate and a time to refresh. A time for alliteration (see what I did there?). Its a good season to be entering into, especially after the tough spring I've had. The passage goes on to say that God makes everything beautiful in its time. Seasons come and seasons go, and whether you're in a time of joy (which is obviously beautiful!) or a time of sorrow- He has brought you to it. He'll make it beautiful. Even in the darkest times, beauty is there. His beauty. When I look back at some of the saddest, hardest times in my life, I can see God's beauty all over them. I can see the beauty in the times that I was on my face at 3 in the morning crying out to Him. I can see the beauty in the times when I would rush home just so I could spend time with Him and find my peace for that day...even if it was just for a moment. And you know what? Eventually He brought me through those times. Now, I cherish those moments. I cherish my most broken times, because I know there's beauty in them. Everything is beautiful. Everything. Just look for it.

Summer is beautiful! Now if only we'd get some consistent sun...

xo,
Angie

Oklahoma on My Mind

Summer will come...sometime...I hope. As I write this, it's 46 degrees and raining. I guess that's what you get when you live in Minneapolis. My students are squirrely and we're all ready for a break. Teachers get just as excited about Winter break and the end of the year as the students do. It's a frustrating time, trying to get kids to turn in all their missing work and encouraging them to hold out for a couple more weeks while we still have work to finish. I often fall into feelings of disenchantment at this time of year, wondering if I'm making any difference at all or if I'll ever get through to some of my students. It's so hard to stay positive at the end of the school year! I just want to be excited for summer! And in the midst of the busiest and most exhausting & frustrating time of year for teachers, tragedy has struck in a different part of the country. All of this Oklahoma tornado coverage has really put things into perspective for me.

Sidenote: the first question I had about this tornado situation is "why on Earth don't these people have basements?!" We have a few tornado warnings each summer and practice drills with the kids and whatnot, but (despite my seasoned 29 years of life) I have yet to see one here. And everyone here has basements. So, why not in tornado-prone Oklahoma? I read on a few news sites that the soil there is wetter, so there's lots of water pressure and mold/fungus issues within basements. Hmm. I wish they could figure out a way to fix that.

Anyway, my heart hurts today for the families who've lost everything. I've got absolutely none to complain about after I watch the news footage of the wreckage that's been left behind. Did you see the video of the woman who lost her dog and they find him buried underneath a bunch of stuff right behind her on live television? Oh my word. So many tears. Stories like that just get to me. They couldn't have planned it any better if they'd tried! It was unbelievable. Watch the video if you can!

After tragedies like this, it always amazes me how the American people come together to help one another. In a dark, cold world like we live in, it's so encouraging to see people caring about each other. In the footage of the Boston bombings, you actually see people running toward the explosions to help the injured. That gives me hope. Across America today, people are donating money and collecting items for the people of Moore, Oklahoma. I know that all good is not lost in our country. I know that people, deep inside, are compassionate and caring. I know that good will prevail. I often feel that our future is bleak here in the US, but after situations like this... I feel hopeful.  Romans 12:12 says "rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." So, though I can't do much myself besides donate a few bucks, I can pray for the families and all who are affected by this tragedy. I can hug those close to me a little bit harder and love a little bit stronger. And wait in joyful hope.

xo,
Angie

If you'd like to donate to the victims of the Moore, OK tragedy, please go here.

Steadiness

First things first.
I started this "boot camp" on Monday night...and...ouch. It was one exhausting hour! Now my legs hate me and it takes a good 3-5 minutes to get up a flight of stairs. Okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration. But it takes a long time. I've been kicking it into high gear over the last couple of weeks because these past few months have not been pretty. What is it about marriage that makes you eat whatever you want, whenever you want? I'm learning that lesson the hard way. Yikes. Something about my husband and his cuteness makes me want to cook all of these delicious dinners with incredible desserts. Then we eat. All of it. His "mantabolism" allows him to stay fit, while I... well, I either need to have some kids really soon to eat my food or befriend some bachelors who like to eat leftovers, because this is madness!

This week, I've been reflecting a lot on something Craig Groeschel said that my sweet friend Tabi shared with me. Don't quote me on these exact numbers...my figures might be off, but I do know the moral of the story. Trust me. He spoke about how when he was first a youth pastor, he shrunk his youth group from 50 to 10. Shrunk. While he was wallowing in this decrease, God spoke very clearly to him and said, "don't blame yourself for the decrease, because then you'll credit yourself for the increase."

Wow. How true is that?! Youth group gets down to 10 kids; youth pastor feels bad. God grows it to hundreds; youth pastor pats himself on the back for a job well done. It's so easy for us to fall into feeding our ego with compliments. I'll be completely honest- it feels amazing when someone comes to me after worship to tell me how great it was. I love that warm, fuzzy feeling that I get when people take the time to compliment my voice. But...do I do anything to deserve the compliments? Really? Nope. I just get up there and use the talent that God has given me, for something that He has called me to do. So, to Him be the glory. Not me. Right? Easier said than done. It's common to want to take credit for something that you do well- especially if you've worked hard at it! I think it's appropriate to be grateful that you accomplished what you did, but it's most important to remember that He said "my strength is made perfect in weakness." In our weakness. He never requires us to get down on ourselves when we mess up- it's actually quite the opposite! So, because we are to be secure and not let small failures discourage us, we should also not let the highs of successes go to our heads. It's He who has begun the good work in you, and it's He who will complete it (Phil 1:6). We belong to Him and we need to remain secure in that. We will mess up, and we will succeed. It's about not letting either of those places affect us. We need to be even-tempered, and not just in ministry! God has me completely in the middle of learning this right now. I'm learning to be steady in my emotion, in my life, and in my marriage. Right now, it's something that's very intentional...I have to work at it. Hard. Growing up in an Italian home allowed for short fuses and hot-headedness (I may have made that term up...). But, by God's grace and help, I think it will become second nature to remain steady and I am hopeful for that. Hopeful because He is faithful! 

xo,
Angie